‘No’, that dreaded word that we all hate to have to say to people. No body wants to do it, we all want to say ‘yes’ and help everybody and solve everybody’s problems all at the same time right?. But in order to live a healthy family life, we need to learn how to say ‘No’. So how do we do that?
So this is something I have struggled with over the years but am getting better at. I’m good at solving problems in a really practical way and I have always been the person that everyone comes to for help with odd jobs or help them make something etc. and I love it, and for most of my life I have always said yes. If I am really honest with my self most of the yes’s I said would have been one of two reasons, in younger years they were out of fear of disappointing the person asking, which resulted in a lot of bad choices. I would literally go well out of my way and sacrifice a lot just to help out, where if I had just said ‘no’ sorry I can’t because I’m already doing a lot that weekend’ or something like that, it would be no skin off the other persons nose, they would have found someone or had someone as back up anyway. The second reason if I’m honest would be that it is all about me. By this I mean the intention seems well but really deep down its for self gratification and not simply out of serving the other person with love. It’s not even about the other person, it’s about me, and it’s about me feeling needed, and me feeling valued, and me feeling like the hero. And when you take a long look in the mirror and realise that pleasing people isn’t even about the people, it’s actually about us and how we feel when we please people it makes you realise where you were getting your worth from and to take a step back and get some perspective and re connect with who we really are. There is a huge difference in doing something to be loving and doing something to be loved. So am I saying yes because I want to genuinely help, or am I saying yes to make me feel good about me?
We all have the same 24hrs in a day, and we can’t keep squeezing more stuff in and creating minutes out of thin air. Something has to give, and we need to be really sure of our priorities in these times. I quite often want to help out and feel really bad when I have to say no, and it’s not a healthy spot to live in, feeling guilty because you can’t help because you have to prioritise other things first isn’t nice. We need to realise when we say ‘no’, that we are going to be ok, that everyone else is going to be ok.
Don’t ever feel like you don’t have a choice. You not only have the right to say no but you have the responsibility to say no. If you don’t protect these things that matter to you, these priorities, your time, your family, if you don’t protect them no one else will do that for you.
So it’s ok to say ‘no’ sometimes. Don’t feel the need to take everything on. Before you answer think about it, can I fit it in, do I need to re schedule, is it a priority, can I help in a different way, is this something I can say yes to now or do I need to wait a bit.
Saying yes or no to things also depends on the season you’re in. I have had a lot of time and have been able to say yes to a lot of things but I will soon becoming into a season of having to say no to a lot. As we start home school for the first time i will have to say no to a lot of other things that I used to do.
But when we say ‘no’ to one thing we are saying ‘yes’ to another. Maybe saying ‘no’ to staying that extra hour after work means saying ‘yes’ to more time with your family. Maybe saying ‘no’ to another weekend out means saying ‘yes’ to saving money and having time to build your business. Maybe saying ‘no’ to that random job that isn’t necessary means saying ‘yes’ to catching up with a friend.
So saying ‘no’ isn’t a bad thing, sometimes it’s necessary and healthy for you and your family.
Have a great weekend